so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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