i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
