What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
