help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
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i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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