Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
