Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
