Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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