one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
