Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
