best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
