like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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