your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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