you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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