this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
FUCK WHALES
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