i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
