Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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