i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
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Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
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She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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