The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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