I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize