The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
