That's intense
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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