Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
this boner is exhausting
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
