If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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