Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
