Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
