peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
