I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
