Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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