Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
