Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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