so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
