i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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