Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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