I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
