we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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