True but thats because hes a fetus.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
