I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
