FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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