The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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