Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
