I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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