My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She told me I should be a condom model.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
