Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
zippers are such a cool invention
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
