I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
