You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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