drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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