If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I feel like abortions should bother me more
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
