how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm really busy with my period
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