I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
