Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
