John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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