Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
