would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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