oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
