what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
