i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
