I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
