some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
