bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
