You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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