Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
