You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this boner is exhausting
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
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