I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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